Learning about the heart

So I have figured out I am a complex person. I want things and I don't know how to get them. I'm working on it every day and being back home isn't helping all the questions. When are you going to settle down? That's the thing I never want to settle down I want a partner who still loves to travel and likes to hang out, but is ok with us not being up one another's butt 24/7. I'm beginning to think what I want may not exist in a person its hard enough as it is to deny what I feel inside. My insides are broken they have been since grandma passed because I cant just be with one person I get bored, and I try to give my all, but sitting and watching t.v. isn't my version of fun. I actually may watch t.v. one or two times a month unless I rent a movie or something, and funny part is my t.v. is actually not even in my house it's in the office so I have to go to the office to use it. I want a partner who wants to adventure and hike and do art for no reason....even bad art, I want someone I can travel with and I learn things from and whom I respect and they respect me. I want something that doesn't exist not without the woman trying to control me and make me feel trapped and wanna rebel. Or the one whom I have to ask permission to do anything. I am different all together and lying never got me anywhere but hurt those I care about so I don't anymore. I tell women I am polyamorus I tell women that I have an issue with monogamy I tell women i am not the one who settles down I'm trying to find an equal not someone who is gonna tell me what to do or get mad bc I want friends over or be mad I'm not home soon as they get there. I'm 29 im not a kid im not a teenager I don't need someone telling me how to act or what to-do. I'm also not property ill be someone's human, partner, girlfriend(which is a title that I still don't like)...etc. There are only few titles I refuse that's ole lady, wife if we aren't married. I do wanna be someone's wife some day. I'm a good human with good goals and dreams and I wanna human to stand with me proudly and claim me and cherish what we have. I think I'm looking for one who doesnt exist honestly. Just a fairy tale to my pipe dream so to speak.