loving hard

Is it wrong to want someone to love as hard as you? 

Is it ok to want someone to chase you?

Can you forgive someone after they have hurt you?

What is the best way to handle it?

Why me?

All of these questions run through my head after working on any relationship, and it not turning out the way you planned. I have learned real love is very hard work because people are human, and humans are all flawed, and what I am meaning is all humans have some imperfection about them. Mouth breather, snoring, you collect something weird, your messy your partner isn't; these are all things that make us human and humans are all not perfect. I have learned neither is love because humans are perfect love can't be perfect, it can't be the glass slipper in Cinderella or the knights storming the castle to slay the dragon, its work and it's not easy to learn to love someone for who they are not their potential, to want to work through things as a team instead of going behind one anothers back to be able to honour one another not only in "title," but with the respect of the relationship itself. To be honest with one another, to work, build together, it sounds like a construction job, and it is. You have to have a stable foundation for that reason then you build the foundation with the other aspects which makes your castle indestructible together and that is the actual romantic idea of love. Forgiveness is part of love and there will be a lot of it but ask yourself is this going to effect us now, a year from now, five years from now, or is it something that I absolutely can not get over? Also, you have to account that you are more refined than the average person and you are forgiving for you not them. This is work I think lately the shadow work that comes with figuring out what kind of love you want and what kind of life you build yourself with what kind of love in it. I handle everything as it comes at me not everyone is the same, the situation, the variables all of the factors I face my problems head on as I have to. I have learned that loving unconditionally comes with alot of work and forgiveness and patience you probably think you don't have. What time is it inside of yourself when you say this is enough and I know what I want and go for it without messing up. You don't this is the whole concept of love is blind your trust that the person who you decide to trust yourself with is going to catch you, to keep you from hitting the ground or hurting you, but this is not always the case. This learning to forgive thing is how people make it fifty years plus and how people stay madly in love with one another. I just want a partnership with someone who understands that love will be work and wants to work together. Doesn't run when things get tough and actually works with you not against you. I crave only what I give, and I realized I crave it because I give it without thought without holding myself back. I just want someone who does the same thing without demanding my playbook plays without earning them. I am simply complex in the way of I do want someone to hold me as accountable as I hold them. I don't yell at people im consistent with my actions. My actual actions and words match where is the equality in the relationship, and this is what I mean by equal. I have longed for the love that is equal and I'm slowly coming to and vibrating on the proper waves. I love hard and I work hard on the things I care about without hoping that I get something in return this time im only giving what I receive. I will not lower myself but vibrate higher to bring those who are equal to my side. Its slowly coming into place and I'm learning to forgive and work and not be afraid to give myself to the right human. I feel love and light and being ok with the challenges is what makes us human. I know that my human exist and im just waiting for her to step up and see what happens. 

Is it destiny

 How to precive destiny vs fate, its weird this becomes the topic of thought and of talk within my morning reading. I feel like destiny lead me where i am today, but fate is the paths to create your own destiny. Creating ones destiny is like carving into a piece of wood trying to figure out the perfect smoothness before sanding it down. Does destiny make us blind to the paths of destiny or does destiny control the paths of fate? Its a huge downstream of big thoughts vs hopes and dreams. We all hope that we have a destiny pre determined by the gods saught out to be the "perfect path." Im slowly learning that there is no perfect path all paths lead to a differnet kind of struggle or problem you must solve to get to the next checkpoint in what we call our written paths. What path determines our destiny or fate for that reason? This is the million dollar question I know more than me has asked nyself. It is a simple but complicated answer, you can not change the past but the future can be forever changing depending on the path you take or in dumb terms your choices. Life when they say can be what you make it they mean just that make good choices have a good life make bad choices... I am sure you can understand from there although they do say people change. Absolutely, I agree, but check this logic it is because they choose to change and make better choices. See logic can be a friend when used for a more clear perception of something. Someone once told me perception is reality just as much as words are magick. So the future can be whatever you want it. Let us just hope there are more seeds than weeds out there who understand life can be a challenge but it can also be very rewarding.