I'm tired of settling for half-hearted things in my life, so I strive for better. It's frustrating when others try to invalidate my perspective. I may not always be right, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. However, judging my character without truly knowing me is unfair.
I understand that I may not be everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay. But it's hard to comprehend why people jump to conclusions and use harsh words without taking the time to get to know me. I was even accused of gaslighting for giving gifts that I thought were thoughtful, only to be let down in the end.
Love shouldn't have to be so complicated, and life can be disappointing at times. It feels like I'm fighting a battle without knowing what I'm fighting for.
I want someone who will say goodnight and good morning, send cute texts throughout the day to show they're thinking of me. I've never had the kind of love I desire. It's frustrating that women expect romance but don't give it in return. I've been gay my whole life and haven't found a romantic partner yet. I crave sweet texts, random kisses, surprises, and special love. As a Disney fan, I long for a fairytale romance, but so far, I've only encountered entitled people who expect everything without giving back. I admit I tend to go all out with gifts and gestures, but maybe I need to find a balance.
My sister thinks I spoil women too much, but I just want to show my love. I wish someone would surprise me with flowers or gifts without a reason. It's tough feeling different from others, but I know I have a lot of love to give.
I used to think I lived in my own little world, seeing things one way. But my experiences have shown me a whole different reality. I've been let down so many times, expecting things to happen that never do. I keep hoping someone will meet me halfway, only to be disappointed over and over again. It's frustrating being a woman who can't understand other women and their actions.
I however, know I have grown and learned that I'm worthy of someone who is willing to try and meet me in the middle regardless of the situation. so I am trying to be patient and just let her come back to me because it's a want not a need and having to wait is just part of the process.My life coach told me I have been so logical and business for so long sometimes I forget logic its not a part of love, and sometimes not actually part of business because so many people have started off with nothing and became something or got a loan from debt and made a profit.
I enjoy my life coach and figuring out how im growing and what steps I have already taken. I signed the ADHD contract yesterday and thats a huge deal in itself because its making a promise to myself to be better even when its not easy or when I'm overwhelmed.
Also, therapy is going amazing CBT has me reacting completely different and noticing the organization happening the things I work on daily it actually puts a huge smile on my face because I did this without help, besides professional of course. I had one moment of freak out not long ago but I sit down and broke it down breathing through it and I made it no outburst or anything.
I also know it's not ok how I have been treated in the past and I allowed it to happen to the point that I'm separated from the person I really wanted to marry but apparently I was seen completely different than I actually am so trying to get the person I love to actually get to know me has been the hardest task. its like they just aren't interested in knowing me at all which is kinda heartbreaking but I can't make people like me or talk to me for any reason I can only control my reactions and emotions to things and I am not reactive anymore I'm more like well it happened and I'm here can I fix it? If I can I fix if not I don't. just seeing things differently now and its frustrating that the one person I wished would see it isn't here. i hope they are at least checking in or watching because I want them to know I'm doing my best on becoming the best version of myself and I still love and miss them daily.I know what I want for my future but i don't actually know if my future wants me.
