If I was Spiderman

If I was Spiderman, I would be bitten by a spider first off so in the beginning I  instantly hate radioactive spiders because now when I sneeze to hard I get glued to my ceiling. The only downside is spring cleaning and dusting my house for cobwebs, around here Mary and I call them Spidey web because I am ultra sensitive on seeing or hearing people talk about my web problem, this makes my senses tingly. I can do everything a Spider can but I am scared of rolled newspaper still to this day, notice I worked for the paper, but never read it; I thought it would conquer my fears, and it did not. However, I have Mary Jane and everyone seems to love that. I like to make-out hanging upside down because it gives me confidence in myself and my web, and as you can see my web is not typical because it supports like a 160 pound man just fine, and my Dr. says a spray of web a day keeps the Dr. away, and my only response to that is my web is what took me to the doctor to begin with. I was just fine before the Peter Parker loving spider bit me to begin with. I am the only Superhero who could climb the ceiling to catch my lady, so eat your heart out Hulk; I am SPIDERMAN!