Calling All Super Nerds
This is my blog, a lot of people have one but this one is mine, my blog is like no other, and can not be replaced, my blog is for everyone, This is my blog.
Monday, March 24, 2025
Sometimes life gets ya down
Hardest 24
Saturday, March 22, 2025
Onward to Davenport Buttercup
Sunday, March 16, 2025
lessons
Wednesday, March 12, 2025
positive thoughts big feelings
I am working hard to become the best version of myself, not only for me but also for the person I love. It's tough knowing that my actions have caused some hurt, and I miss her a lot. I'm trying not to show it, but I'm pretty sure she knows. I'm trying to keep things casual so I don't push her away, and I want her to know that I'm here and giving my best effort every day, not just some days.
I know it's going to take time to rebuild trust after everything that happened. Being off medication that was holding me back has been a game-changer. It was exhausting dealing with the side effects of those meds, and I can only imagine how tough it was for my partner. I'm grateful that she stuck by me through it all, but I've learned that I can't take SSRIs - they just don't agree with me.
It almost feels like I'm in rehab trying to get back to normal. I scared everyone around me, and that's not how I want to live. So, I've been flushing my system, hitting the reset button, apologizing for my mistakes, reconnecting with family and friends, and focusing on my work goals. It's like I'm back in school, trying to find my way back to myself.
I know I'm going to have to work hard to pass all my lessons and keep it up to maintain my health and mindset. I find myself wondering what happened to the person I used to see in the mirror. They disappeared when that bottle messed up my system. So, I had to cleanse myself, clean my energy, tidy up my house, and get my life back together. Looking around, I realized how much of a mess it had become.
I miss that part of my heart that makes me smile. It's tough to pretend it doesn't matter because it really does. I miss the smiles, the good morning kisses, the "I love you" at night, and most of all, asking how their day is going. Love isn't easy, guys. If you find someone worth the effort, just go for it. It's worth it. I know this person is the most important thing in my life right now. I can see a future with them, but I messed up the present. So, I'm praying for a miracle.
I've pulled some cards and they say to be patient. I'm trying my best to be patient, checking in, apologizing for everything, and letting them know I miss them - which is rare for me. I thought they would understand, but they always say they don't miss me yet. It's tough because I just want to hold them and assure them everything will be okay. I want to make sure I never make their heart sad again.
Love is so complex with all these rules. I'm reaching for myself and my heart this time, hoping it will come back and understand that I love making them smile. I intend to do it for the rest of our lives, if they let me.
I really wish they would talk to me and let me know what I can do to fix things and mend the broken bond. I gave her back her key and told her to come home whenever she's ready. It's like that song "Austin" - I still love her and every night I keep the porch light on, secretly hoping she'll come back. But I know I need to be brave and patient. Right now, all I want to do is curl up with my lady and cry, but I have to wait for her to make the first move. I just want her to open up, say hello, and work on the changes needed to keep her in my life. I know she's the one for me, but I'm not sure what she's thinking or feeling.
I really hope she understands that I'm always on her side. I would go to the moon and back just to bring her a moon rock if I could. I would even take on the whole world to keep her safe. That's how I know I love her with all my heart, not just half of it.
Once again, I need to stay patient and positive. Hopefully, I can correct the mistakes I've made by striving to be the best version of myself every day
.Monday, March 10, 2025
Rebranding
Rebranding any brand can be challenging, but redefining your own brand is even tougher, especially if it has been tarnished in some way. It can be difficult to figure out what you want out of life, and once you do, it's up to you to define your brand - what you represent, stand for, believe in, and your code of honor.
One of the toughest things I've learned about improving a brand is how to lead from the front. It means not being petty, staying strong even when you feel weak, putting your best foot forward in stressful situations, and being authentic, loyal, and trustworthy. These are also qualities I look for in a relationship, and I've realized that I need to work on my own brand to attract the same kind of energy.
So, I'm focusing on vibrating at my highest power and staying calm no matter what storms come my way. It's all about staying true to myself and projecting that positivity out into the world.
I now understand why I didn't get the promotion at work. When I first heard the feedback that it wasn't my time, I was really upset. I thought, "What do you mean it's not my time? Are you saying you don't believe in me or that my time isn't valuable?" I was thinking all sorts of negative thoughts. But then it hit me - it's about the brand I represent. I need to come across as confident, not arrogant. I need to be a learner, not a know-it-all. And I need to be a better listener. I realized I need to listen more, talk less, ask questions, and lead by example.
It's not going to be easy, but I want my personal brand to be like Chanel, not Dollar Tree. I want to be top-notch, consistent, and reliable. The work I produce will always be top quality. I need to be willing to be vulnerable with the people I care about most. This is the kind of brand I want to build for myself.
I know that rebranding will require hard work and patience. I'll admit, I'm not the most patient person, but that's all part of the process. Good things take time to come to fruition, and I'm ready to put in the effort and wait for the results. It's a bit intimidating, but I'm willing to push through and come out stronger in the end. I want to be able to stand behind what I represent and see that reflected in my success.
Let my actions speak for themselves as I strive to improve and build a better brand. This journey reminds me of my time on Team Phoenix at Atnt, where we rose from the ashes to create something better. Sales have taught me a lot and have shaped the way I view things and make decisions. It takes a strong-willed person to succeed in sales, and not everyone is cut out for it. I'm ready to take on the challenge and see where it leads me.
This journey is all about making choices - either to succeed or to fail and end up somewhere you don't want to be, doing things you only half-heartedly enjoy. I want to love what I do and feel proud of myself at the end of the day, knowing that I'm doing it for me and no one else. Everything has been happening, but it's been tough because I started something and didn't realize I wasn't finishing it - just leaving it half-done. Even in my professional life, I do well in sales, but my brand is only half-baked. Instead of settling for something half-done, I want something complete and ready to thrive. It's definitely going to be a day-by-day process.
Sunday, March 9, 2025
grown vs growing
No one has ever taught me the proper way to treat a lady. I've come to realize that I've been a lesbian for as long as I can remember. Lately, I've been going to therapy and it's made me realize that I've been doing it all wrong. It's kind of funny to think that I used to believe that the key to love was just giving a woman whatever she wanted, thinking that's how you end up with a wife material. Boy, was I wrong.
No one really teaches you how to navigate the tough times in a relationship, the rough patches that make you want to grow stronger together and become one of those couples who have been together for over 20 years. Everyone makes mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them and become better. Love is hard, but it's worth it in the end.
Realizing that something is worth it doesn't mean it will be easy or come naturally. I've learned that it really depends on external influences and what you come to understand or experience. Love is supposed to be this amazing thing, but the truth is, most of us are just stumbling around, trying to figure it out as we go.
I used to think that if I showered women with gifts and spoiled them, they would be loyal, respectful, and submissive. I thought I could just be "daddy" and get whatever I wanted. But that's not how it played out. I ended up in one toxic relationship after another, going through women like post-it notes, trying to figure out what I really wanted in life and in a partner.
I never expected to meet someone one day and just have everything click. I never thought I would find someone I didn't want to let go of for any reason. But I did meet that person, and now our relationship is on hold because of some mistakes we made. I'm still reeling from the situation, trying to stay strong and not show how much it's affecting me.never really considered the idea of doing anything for love, no matter the circumstances or what's happening in life. Who even makes these rules anyway? Someone I love very much once told me that everything is based on someone's opinion, and I can totally see that now. It's all about whose opinion matters, right? I bring this up because I think it's important to consider what really matters to you. For me, it's all about learning to be a better person, listening more, talking less, going to therapy, and just focusing on getting myself back on track after a rough time.
I had a terrible reaction to some medication that made me feel like I was losing my mind every day. It was a really tough experience, but I'm working on getting back to feeling like myself again. It's been a journey, but I'm determined to come out stronger on the other side.
The weirdest thing is, I feel like I'm two different people. When I was on medication, I couldn't be the best version of myself. I was trying, but the effects were already starting to change me. It was like I was finally cleaning up the mess of my life that had spiraled out of control because of the chemicals in my body. The saddest part is that I could see what was happening, but I had no control over my actions. It was the scariest experience I've ever been through.
That's when I realized my problem. I scared myself, and I've been working hard to get back to being Brittney, not this other person I had become. It feels like a fog has been lifted, and I've been trapped behind myself all this time. After cleansing my body of toxins, including those chips I ate earlier in the week, I feel like a whole new person. No more toxins, no more toxicity towards myself. It's a great feeling, but also scary because I had no idea something was affecting me so severely.
During this time, I pushed away my partner because I was paranoid. I even thought the person who loved me the most was out to get me. The world seemed like a scary place, and I didn't know how to handle it. I suffered in silence, letting everything build up until I couldn't take it anymore. It was a tough time, but I'm grateful to have come out the other side.
I used to do all the things I loved - writing, spinning fire, going out. But I got so overwhelmed that I just stopped doing everything and sat still, which isn't healthy. So, I'm starting fresh with my blog. I'm taking steps to regain my radical self-reliance and not let outside forces affect me. I should have realized how much it was impacting my life and relationships, but I didn't see it at the time. Now, I'm hitting the reset button and getting myself back on track. I'm hoping for the best and hoping for some understanding, because I really wasn't myself. I struggled with a chemical imbalance and too many toxins, which affected me negatively. Instead of asking for forgiveness, I'm showing through my actions that I'm making changes for the better. I'm here, I've got myself together, and I just need someone to share it with. I returned the house key I had taken, realizing I only took it out of paranoia. I was still dealing with the effects of toxins in my body. Even my writing is different now - my mind is clear, and I meditate before putting my thoughts down. I can't believe how stuck I became. Normally, I'm the one who's always on the move. I can't believe how full of myself and prideful I became. I didn't reach out to the people who care about me the most. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. But now, I've pulled myself together. It's all about staying on track with my treatment to become the best version of myself again. I wasn't myself, and I definitely wasn't at my best. Now, I'm taking things one day and one step at a time.
I've noticed that my magick has been off lately because I haven't been practicing as much. It's like my soul was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't quite hear it. I've been feeling disappointed in myself for not listening to my intuition. I need to make some changes so I don't let myself down again. I want to focus on my brand and what I truly represent, not just what my ego wants. I've been acting out of character and trying to blame others for my own mistakes, but it's time to take responsibility and make things right.