I woke up today missing you. Usually, I would have wished you a happy anniversary and asked if there's anything specific you want for dinner or if you are working, is there anything you want to do after? But instead, you are almost two hours away and we are separated, and it really sucks.
I celebrated every month because life is tough, and I just wanted you to know how much I appreciated you and the love you brought to me on that special day each month. I wanted to create a memory where you knew that one day a month, you could count on me to make it special and make you smile.
However, it seemed like you saw it as an inconvenience and never understood why. I thought it would help with the stress of the world around us, but it didn't get seen that way. I still tried, even though I felt this way.
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you. I know that words of affirmation mean a lot to you, so I wanted to show my appreciation in the best way I could.
I realize now that I should have probably talked to you about it and asked for your thoughts, instead of just assuming. I kept trying different things to show my appreciation, but nothing seemed to work. I've never really tried to show appreciation before, especially in such noticeable ways. Like cleaning your car when I clean mine, sending you lunch money when I'm out with friends, washing both cars, cooking for you when you're working, filling up your gas tank when you're low on money, making you lunch when you forget yours, and leaving little notes to show I care. I'm not perfect, but I always go above and beyond for the people I love. I've never gone to such lengths before, and it's not easy feeling hurt and missing you at the same time.
I am still working on becoming the best version of myself and trying to be supportive of you. I recently found out that you felt like I was trying to control you, which came as a surprise to me because that was not my intention at all. I felt like you were not prioritizing important things, and instead, you were spending time goofing off, going to Disney, traveling with friends, and not taking care of responsibilities. This left me feeling confused and concerned.
I was taking care of everything at home, working, and picking up the slack, while you were out having fun. It made me feel used and unappreciated when you would then ask me for money for gas, oil changes, or registration. I don't mind helping out, but feeling this way is difficult and it can really weigh on someone. I understand that there are always two sides to every situation, and it's like a cause and effect scenario. This led to that, and it's clear that we both have our perspectives on the matter.
It has been challenging for me to communicate with someone who doesn't seem interested in communicating. I hope we can work through this together and find a way to better understand each other.
I have always been a firm believer in logic, but I've come to realize that love doesn't always follow logical reasoning. It used to bother me, but now I understand that love is its own unique thing. It doesn't always make sense, but that's just the way it is. Love doesn't always follow the rules of logic, and that's okay. I've learned to trust in this fact and I'm working on it every day. Love truly is blind, and it took me a lifetime to understand that.
Every day, I learn valuable lessons that help me grow and improve. I may not be perfect, but I am always striving to be better than I was before. I am open to new possibilities and challenges, even though it can be daunting to think about the unknown. However, I find it exciting to know that I am on the brink of taking a major step towards creating a better life for myself.
I have always desired a better life for both myself and my loved ones than the one I experienced growing up. Despite facing challenges during my childhood, I have always been able to provide stability for myself and those I care about.
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