No one has ever taught me the proper way to treat a lady. I've come to realize that I've been a lesbian for as long as I can remember. Lately, I've been going to therapy and it's made me realize that I've been doing it all wrong. It's kind of funny to think that I used to believe that the key to love was just giving a woman whatever she wanted, thinking that's how you end up with a wife material. Boy, was I wrong.
No one really teaches you how to navigate the tough times in a relationship, the rough patches that make you want to grow stronger together and become one of those couples who have been together for over 20 years. Everyone makes mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them and become better. Love is hard, but it's worth it in the end.
Realizing that something is worth it doesn't mean it will be easy or come naturally. I've learned that it really depends on external influences and what you come to understand or experience. Love is supposed to be this amazing thing, but the truth is, most of us are just stumbling around, trying to figure it out as we go.
I used to think that if I showered women with gifts and spoiled them, they would be loyal, respectful, and submissive. I thought I could just be "daddy" and get whatever I wanted. But that's not how it played out. I ended up in one toxic relationship after another, going through women like post-it notes, trying to figure out what I really wanted in life and in a partner.
I never expected to meet someone one day and just have everything click. I never thought I would find someone I didn't want to let go of for any reason. But I did meet that person, and now our relationship is on hold because of some mistakes we made. I'm still reeling from the situation, trying to stay strong and not show how much it's affecting me.never really considered the idea of doing anything for love, no matter the circumstances or what's happening in life. Who even makes these rules anyway? Someone I love very much once told me that everything is based on someone's opinion, and I can totally see that now. It's all about whose opinion matters, right? I bring this up because I think it's important to consider what really matters to you. For me, it's all about learning to be a better person, listening more, talking less, going to therapy, and just focusing on getting myself back on track after a rough time.
I had a terrible reaction to some medication that made me feel like I was losing my mind every day. It was a really tough experience, but I'm working on getting back to feeling like myself again. It's been a journey, but I'm determined to come out stronger on the other side.
The weirdest thing is, I feel like I'm two different people. When I was on medication, I couldn't be the best version of myself. I was trying, but the effects were already starting to change me. It was like I was finally cleaning up the mess of my life that had spiraled out of control because of the chemicals in my body. The saddest part is that I could see what was happening, but I had no control over my actions. It was the scariest experience I've ever been through.
That's when I realized my problem. I scared myself, and I've been working hard to get back to being Brittney, not this other person I had become. It feels like a fog has been lifted, and I've been trapped behind myself all this time. After cleansing my body of toxins, including those chips I ate earlier in the week, I feel like a whole new person. No more toxins, no more toxicity towards myself. It's a great feeling, but also scary because I had no idea something was affecting me so severely.
During this time, I pushed away my partner because I was paranoid. I even thought the person who loved me the most was out to get me. The world seemed like a scary place, and I didn't know how to handle it. I suffered in silence, letting everything build up until I couldn't take it anymore. It was a tough time, but I'm grateful to have come out the other side.
I used to do all the things I loved - writing, spinning fire, going out. But I got so overwhelmed that I just stopped doing everything and sat still, which isn't healthy. So, I'm starting fresh with my blog. I'm taking steps to regain my radical self-reliance and not let outside forces affect me. I should have realized how much it was impacting my life and relationships, but I didn't see it at the time. Now, I'm hitting the reset button and getting myself back on track. I'm hoping for the best and hoping for some understanding, because I really wasn't myself. I struggled with a chemical imbalance and too many toxins, which affected me negatively. Instead of asking for forgiveness, I'm showing through my actions that I'm making changes for the better. I'm here, I've got myself together, and I just need someone to share it with. I returned the house key I had taken, realizing I only took it out of paranoia. I was still dealing with the effects of toxins in my body. Even my writing is different now - my mind is clear, and I meditate before putting my thoughts down. I can't believe how stuck I became. Normally, I'm the one who's always on the move. I can't believe how full of myself and prideful I became. I didn't reach out to the people who care about me the most. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. But now, I've pulled myself together. It's all about staying on track with my treatment to become the best version of myself again. I wasn't myself, and I definitely wasn't at my best. Now, I'm taking things one day and one step at a time.
I've noticed that my magick has been off lately because I haven't been practicing as much. It's like my soul was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't quite hear it. I've been feeling disappointed in myself for not listening to my intuition. I need to make some changes so I don't let myself down again. I want to focus on my brand and what I truly represent, not just what my ego wants. I've been acting out of character and trying to blame others for my own mistakes, but it's time to take responsibility and make things right.
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